Rest In Peace to the False Starts, Lost Souls & Broken Hearts

Rest in peace...to the false starts, lost souls and broken hearts...
Abandoned, stranded, underhanded, beaten, put out, cursed...
Between life and death...life was worst and now we watch your hearse...
Abused, confused, misused, so many issues,
Maybe we had a clue but now...we miss you...
You smiled, laughed, said "I'm fine", who knew you were lying?
Words unsaid? Things not did? Regret, can’t forget...
False starts: crack baby, mother’s in jail, father's?
Lost souls: hungry stomachs, shoeless feet, no knowledge or no money for that college, it's the block or the pole, the glock or the stroll, jail then hell, destined to fail...
Broken hearts: where do I start? The motherless child? The woman in denial? The poor man with just a plan? Girls pretending to be women? Boys who know no men?
Disrupted homes, cracked bones…Black and blue, who's true? Red and white, what's right?
Rest in peace to the false starts, lost souls and broken hearts, I feel your pain.
I am one of you, I am all of you. I tell my story.
And they tell me feel blessed, I made it through but I'm like “through what?!”
They have no clue that I'm still going through or how much I'd like to join you, to rest in peace, be done with this beast...
Rest in peace, wish I was with you but I don't have the strength to give up and give in…
Life is short but sometimes not short enough…I'm waiting…
Dying inside, wondering when will it end?
But until then, rest in peace to the false starts, lost souls and broken hearts...

-Sincerest, Symone

I Remember

The sounds of laughter, the wise words, I remember. The stories, the lessons, the many blessings. I remember. The painful stumbles, the grand recoveries, the complaints, the praises, I remember. You held me when I was shaking, made me smile when I was aching, fed me in times of hunger, kept me in times I was let go. In joys and sorrows, I remember your grace, I cherish your place. Memories are bound to fade but your presence impossible to evade. The love, I remember, I appreciate, I miss, I remember
RIP Uncle Pete
I love you & I miss you dearly

Wake Up

Wake up from this nightmare, ease your heart from despair, set you mind free from fear. Just breathe, everything's alright, we don't have to fight.
Wake up! Do something! Do something! Don't panic, focus. Don't give up on us...
Wake up, it's over. We tried...we did all we could...it's over. We tried...
Wake up, dream no more...reality...life...wake up, you're still alive, live
Wake up! Do something! Say something! Be something! Today you're still here, don't just wait and hope for tomorrow to appear

A little wisdom

"There's more to life than your dreams and goals...there's life itself" -Troy Taylor

Living and learning

The people around you will either influence you or be influenced by you, don't allow others to make your smile fade, give them a reason to smile

Homeless

They say home is where the heart is, so, I'm searching for my heart because I wanna go home...
I was told I was heartless because I said I had nothing nice to say to my parents. But they abandoned me, no phone call, no letter, no visit, no effort at all...I don't even remember an "I love you." I do remember unkept promises, waiting for them to show up, crying myself to sleep, wondering if they think about me half as much as I do them...I don't know anything about them except what I heard and the fact that I wasn't important enough for them to not walk out my life. Why the fuck should I give a damn about them? I'm heartless because I resent the people who should have been there the most for me but weren't? Ok...
I've been called heartless and selfish...but when you feel like you're alone in the world what do people expect from you? I feel like I'm truly all I have at the end of the day and I gotta look out for the only person I have. Right?
I've been called heartless and mean because I say exactly what I'm feeling and thinking. I don't take into account the feelings of others before I speak my mind. I'm not trying to be hurtful, I'm just honest. Isn't that what people want though? No, they say they want honesty but they really want to think they're better than what they are, they only want honesty when it makes them feel good or benefits them. But I'm not here to please anyone on this earth and I don't have the time or patience to be worried about hurting someone's feelings....I mean no one gave a fuck about mine...
I lay in this bed tonight yearning to feel like I'm at home. I've always wondered what "home" felt like and I feel like I keep searching only to reach a deadend...
They say I'm heartless, does that mean I'm homeless?
They say I'm heartless but they don't know me, they're just assuming because it would taint my strong image if I allowed them to really know...
It's hard to love when everything you loved left, when you don't feel loved, it's hard to care when it seems they couldn't care less
To love and to care is to be vulnerable, to break down the walls that protect you...but all the anger in my heart won't let me deny the love, I love and I care, and it's deep...but I'm not a little girl anymore and I can't allow the feelings to make me naive or make excuses, if that makes me heartless, fine, and if being heartless makes me homeless I guess I'll just stay on the move...

Daily Motivation

Sometimes life knocks us down, sometimes our paths have detours, sometimes doors are slammed in our face but finding the courage to stand again, to create a new path, and try another door when so many give up is what makes you extraordinary. Finding that person or thing that gives you this courage is what makes you strong. If you truly want it, if you have faith, nothing will stop you. #MAKEITHAPPEN

I Close My Eyes

I close my eyes and remember, I close my eyes and think, I close my eyes to try and stop the tears from falling. I breath in slowly and tell myself "tears won't change what happened, tears won't help the situation." I close my eyes and remember and become angry. The hate I thought I'd let go rises in me and I want to lash out. The problem is I sit in this room, alone, so what good is it to lash out? No one can hear me...so I close my eyes. I close my eyes and try to let go. I know there's no point in holding on to the past, I can't change it nor erase it. I need to move on, I need closure. I don't know how to say what needs to be said, or what even needs to be said.  I close my eyes and run away, but I have to reopen them at some point and I have to once again deal. I close my eyes and wonder what would happen if they never reopened................I close my eyes, I pray, I breath, and wait to see what tomorrow will bring.

Truth is...I regret

I always knew the end would come, I just never thought it would hurt this bad...don't get me wrong, my new beginning has been amazing, just not amazing enough to make me not miss what I had. Late nights, I sit alone in the dark, wondering if you think about me a fraction as much as I think about you. Waiting for you to reach out to me, expecting things to be like the old days. Truth is, the distance between us is greater than we ever were. Truth is, I was supposed to let you go a long time ago. Truth is, though we were so close, you were always far away. Us was never meant to last, We were always gonna be a thing of the past. In my mind I always knew there'd be an end to me and you but the heart is treacherous and it wants what it knows it should not, can not have. I tried to fool myself into thinking I would just pack up and go and have no regrets. But I regret I wasn't completely honest with you, I regret not saying it, whatever it was, whatever it is, I regret not making more of an effort, I regret being afraid...